desperate times....

call for desperate measures... this unemployment gig is beginning to become a tad bit annoying, what with bills and rent and homeless people all vying desperately for my pennies a la american gladiator (with or without the spandex.) so very desperate indeed that i have sucked up all my pride and attempted to attain employment in that vapid consumer mecca known as The Mall!!!! eeeeep! yes, i actually felt my brain cells committ sepuku as my shakey, sweaty little hands hended over resumes to such insipid vortexes of common sense and humanity as "Hot Gossip" and "Lu-Lu Lemon" and "Starbucks" and "Lush" and "Aritzia" and "Roots" and "Swimco," (which is ironic because i hate water and swimming, and indeed most people who swim regularly, as though their bouyancy is some great skill! i hope they all get eaten by the giant mutant sewer octopuses {octopi?} that are coursing through the pipes as we speak) and the 67 stores between. yay me. it is so very sad when i am actually looking forward to a "pre-interview screening test" for a customer service position at everyone's favourite telecommunications company, telus, with the 6 month waiting list for phone service. can't wait to answer those calls! my alternate choices? none, i've long since taken the soda cans to the ol' bottle depot (conveniently located next to a liquour store) and the blood bank only hands out cookies, a bit on the dry side if i say so myself, and kelly will definately get the wrong message if i apply at sev, american soul-less research/fertility clinics only buy american ovum (because they like inbreeding, i think) and quite frankly my squeegee water keeps freezing between lights. I also applied for a cruise ship job. me. on a boat. and not just a boat shaped restaurant. i'm that desperate. industrial welding sounds good. don't they need people to just, like, hold the bits together, or hand out the caustic chemicals? maybe i could save the whales. do whales still need saving? i think they do.