99 reasons not to let someone you met 7 hours ago set you up on a blind date...

Okay, so while moonlighting as a merchandiser at the mall, I became quite chummy with one of the other girls working there, who casually said she had a friend I should meet. To which I supplied one of my usual sarcastic replies, but she insisted we "would be great" together. Anyways, after an afternoon of coffee-and-home-made-chocolate-chip-cookies-buzz, I broke down and said "okay." For those who know me well, the following are offered as explanations for this unusual behaviour:

1. The planets were aligned just so this week, resulting in a series of rash decisions, bizarre behaviour, and otherwise strange occurances. These were not unique to my life, and those of us in this crazy city sensitive enough, could feel a certain "crackle" to the air.

2. All those who I previously sought out for rational advice have callously left me for the west coast (yes, I mean you big brother, Jay, Lisa-Left-Eye, Sarah Slean, and even Chloe, who was cenceivably born there but should also know better too,) leaving me with Mr. Brown to provide sensible advice, and we all know how that goes. (You know it's true Mr. Brown, I luv ya but you're crazy!)

3. I am currently fostering a new devil-may-care attitude, and there-fore feel that I need to make poor decisions on purpose now and then.

4. The stand-by reactions (generally one or a combination of the following: Yelling "I don't know you!!! with a sharp but concise kick to the shin, staring through the person's skull with a good old fashioned "stink eye," looking shocked, saying nothing, taking 5 or 10 steps slowly backwards, and then running like heck) are beginning to lose their novelty.

And so, this is how I ended up at so-and-so coffee shop to meet so-and-so guy. Fantastic. Except that it wan't. First alarm bell: I walk into the coffee shop in the middle of a speed dating marathon! Seriously! do people do that? apparently, yes, they do. and once again, i shunned the opportunity to pretend like I really just needed a tall green tea and leave, in favour of doing the exact opposite of what I would normally do. I think they call this type of behaviour "building character." And using my amazing powers of deduction, I guess that the only single guy hiding (lurking? quite possible so) in the corner is who I am here to meet, yes indeed. So we chat for half an hour, and I discover the following:

1. He is an Engineer.
2. He works for oil companies.
3. He believes Canada should build an off-shore pipe line in the Grande Banks (ecologically important breeding ground for many fish and other sea life) that goes straight to the USA.
4. He does not understand the importance of a pro-environmental plan of action in the Canadian arctic, and how it affects the global eco-system.
5. He is 35, likes his office job, and said with apparent sincerity that David Suzuki is a "terrorist."

In the name of being civil, I keep my activism to a minimum. At this point, Mr. So-and-so says, "hey, wanna get nachos?" to which I gratefully say "Yes!!" for the following reasons:

1. Nachos invoke positive memories of Den nights at University
2. Nachos means ice cold frothy mugs of delicious Strong Bow Cider
3. At this point I could really use a drink
4. There is a pub accross the street

But no. Apparently he meant 7-11 nachos. Fair enough....I guess....Except for the following:

1. 7-11 is a sacred and holy place, and must be shown the appropriate respect. (Mr. So-and-so lives accross the street, and doesn't even know the sev people's names! For shame!)
2. Sev changed their nacho "cheese" dispensing equipment. The new machine squidges radio-active orange sludge in little shapes that look exactly like goose poop.
3. I haven't had sev nachos for a very long time, and the new "cheese" substance is too thick, and tastes more like hair spray than I remember.
4. He insisted that we take our nachos back to his place. smooth, guy. Very smooth. smoove even.

But I agreed to go, because he said he had a new X-box 360, and I was curious. It should be noted that my curiosity has gotten me into a great deal of trouble, including the following:

1. Locked in a church
2. Licked by a giraffe
3. Glued to a fetal pig kidney
4. Nearly mauled by a caribu
5. Attacked by crows
(all true)

Now, I am not the greatest gamer in the world, but I can hold my own. I also don't do that thing girls with no self esteem do sometimes, where they lose on purpose. So when Mr. So-and-so breaks out his 2 player fighting game, I bring it! Now, I have a reputation to keep, and so before I go any further I would like to get this much clear:

1. I have never played X-Box before, so the controller was new
2. He had the game for 3 months, and so was far more practiced than I
3. I prefer to play games with cute little characters (Klonoa!!!) rather than angry Mr. Fighty-pantses.

So, keeping that in mind, I only beat him 18-16 battles. It's the old back-back-forward-trigger+high kick move. It does something in any fighting game. He may have let me win, except that he pouted after, and then tried to lick my face. seriously, like full on lolly-pop lick accross the cheek. So I said something crazy, and left as soon as I could, and played Counting Crows songs really loud in my car and sang along all the way home. thankfully, I had the foresight to tape Survivor! And that, my friends, is a stunning example of why I (The Cat That Walks Alone a-la Rudyard Kipling) should never ever accept a blind date from someone I met 7 hours previous.