I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna get married and be a success!

if muriel can do it, so can i! i just need to figure out who i can embezzle ten grand from....hmmmm...

desperate times....

call for desperate measures... this unemployment gig is beginning to become a tad bit annoying, what with bills and rent and homeless people all vying desperately for my pennies a la american gladiator (with or without the spandex.) so very desperate indeed that i have sucked up all my pride and attempted to attain employment in that vapid consumer mecca known as The Mall!!!! eeeeep! yes, i actually felt my brain cells committ sepuku as my shakey, sweaty little hands hended over resumes to such insipid vortexes of common sense and humanity as "Hot Gossip" and "Lu-Lu Lemon" and "Starbucks" and "Lush" and "Aritzia" and "Roots" and "Swimco," (which is ironic because i hate water and swimming, and indeed most people who swim regularly, as though their bouyancy is some great skill! i hope they all get eaten by the giant mutant sewer octopuses {octopi?} that are coursing through the pipes as we speak) and the 67 stores between. yay me. it is so very sad when i am actually looking forward to a "pre-interview screening test" for a customer service position at everyone's favourite telecommunications company, telus, with the 6 month waiting list for phone service. can't wait to answer those calls! my alternate choices? none, i've long since taken the soda cans to the ol' bottle depot (conveniently located next to a liquour store) and the blood bank only hands out cookies, a bit on the dry side if i say so myself, and kelly will definately get the wrong message if i apply at sev, american soul-less research/fertility clinics only buy american ovum (because they like inbreeding, i think) and quite frankly my squeegee water keeps freezing between lights. I also applied for a cruise ship job. me. on a boat. and not just a boat shaped restaurant. i'm that desperate. industrial welding sounds good. don't they need people to just, like, hold the bits together, or hand out the caustic chemicals? maybe i could save the whales. do whales still need saving? i think they do.

i'm dreaming of a white easter!

<------Canadian Parlaiment, yes it's really made of ice.

Oh my lord the sky is falling! no, wait! America is launching some sort of bio-chemical attatck! take cover, form your militias! .....oh wait....it's just snow. haven't seen that stuff for a while. shovelling the sidewalk 3 times by 1 in the afternoon though, i do not miss that. Bravo! happened today. i didn't get an interview though, partly because i refused to line up and bay like a good little sheep while they checked teeth and poked ribs, partly because they wanted to interview members of the board. i did, however, score mega airtime with my photographs, which is what it's all about anyway. also got some "action shots for the B reel" of me painting a silly little painting. so it's all good. SOOOOOO GOOOOOOD!!!! even. so my work will be aired on some tv station nobody watches! sweet! Also, got a lead on an art rental company interested in renting out some photomagraphs, which would rule because they pay me to look at them for a while, and then give them back. it's a good deal, a good deal for me!

Show Time!

The opening went pretty well! I am so very excited. thanks to all who showed up, but special thanks to Emma Y and Gin Cake for the pretty flowers, and of course the Amazing Mr. Brown for being, well, amazing! so the rumors have been substantiated, Bravo! is coming on Wednesday and are filming for what will be a 2 min bit about untitled. score for myself and ellen for having our show up! i plan to be conveniently around, working very hard of course, all day!
Holla! out to Mr. Brown, who's on a plane to England right now! I can't wait to hear about the crazy conversations with strangers, and the deep meaningfull eye contact with everyone's favourite professor!

so you're the photographer?

no, i'm a painter.

so where are your paintings?

oh, i don't have any right now, i did these photographs on the walls.

so, you are the photographer?

no, i told you, i'm a painter.

So apparently i'm a painter who doesn't paint. truth is, painting and i are like estranged lovers, each is waiting for the other to appologise first.

I'm about to lose control, and i think i like it!

i'm so so so so SO excited! I have a show! and elen degenerous is excited too! and (this is a secret now) Bravo! might come next week and do a documentary bit about the calgary art scene, and they specifically want to do a piece on untitled, which is when my show is up, and they specifically suggested that i be there! AHHHHH! i need to get highlights in my hair and paint the walls and...uhhmmm...other stuff too! so busy busy busy! yet another holla out to the one, the only, the Amazing Mr.Brown! Boy, you are my hero! You are my light! You are the wind beneath my wings! But stop stealing all the cute art boys dammit! i don't stand a chance next to your new sassy hair-do and devil-may-care attitude!

mathletes unite!

there is no replacement for a good stick and a piece of string. i don't care how much math you know, exact calculations do not an art show hang. and indeed, neither does backwards english. want to know the distance to the sun? get yourself a good stick and a piece of string, i'm tellin ya it never fails. shout out to Frenchie le Perrie, Holla! i shall never make fun of your silly red string again. you know it's a good hallway! and ellen degenerous liked my photos!

employee of the month

i've voted myself employee of the month. i also invented a new drink, well it's a cocktail really, called a broken heart. first you dissolve a bag of cinnamon hearts in a bottle of cheap vodka, then you drink it out of the bottle till you pass out. it's a good time.

today is the first day of the rest of your life...

so what does that make yesterday? if today is the first day, then yesterday would be day zero, and zero is nothing, therefor yesterday does not exist. can a person be a professional drifter? i wonder how one claims that on income tax.

Forgive my melancholy rant...

Who are those people, they're everywhere, the grey suits and the perfect pink lipstick, and heels. Who wears heels all day? who are these people that go out there and file papers, and deny insurance claims, and charge me bank fees for using a machine that saves the bank money by not having to pay a person to talk to me. who are these masses, these invisible little cogs? I'd like to believe it's all just a day job, a means to an end, but where's the proof in that? If it where all just a day gig, then downtown should explode at five o-clock. Surely these people had dreams? Do people grow up wanting to be HR Managers and Supply Clerks? What happened to the little boys and girls who painted horses and rainbows with their fingers? When was all the imagination and joy sucked out of life? And why the hell have I been trying to damn hard to be one of these creatures? When was it that I hit my head causing the severe brain damage that allowed me to think that world is one where I could try to fit in? Yes, the morning train people were exciting to study, but i have come to realize that that is all they have. expensive coffees in the morning, bitch gossip on the way home, and trash tv until drugging themselves to sleep. So i guess it just comes down to this, do i want money, or do i want inspiration, because it seems quite difficult to come accross both at the same time. i feel lost. i don't know what to pour my energies into, because right now it's all pooling on the floor and soaking into the carpet. and that's not helping anything.

wierdie beans at wierdie....

And on and on it goes. shout out to lisa left-eye, harsh week, but looking forward to saturday. can we have soda, and pie? today's pic is all for you girl! Holla! pickle pal and i shall conquer this city yet! i shall not be broken! cracked, definately, broken, never!

two hours later....she's still eating cotton balls

I don't know where these stories come from, I don't know where the ramblings go. but I think they somehow intersect on me like a cross hairs. she was swallowing cotton balls. Why? you may ask, well to dislodge the chicken bone, of course! of course, why didn't i think of that? perhaps because i still have one small toe still desperately rooted in reality.
The upside to being sick sore throaty? free refills at 7-11! sympathy refills from the brave men and women on the front lines of 24-hour convenience. god bless you, brave children. god. bless. you.

Life is a mystery

this is true, as evidenced by the mysterious bowls of raw meat that keep appearing at the foot of my door step. yes, it's strange, but i have always relied on the kindness of strangers, so.....fire up the barbie!

Art is nothing without The Gift, The Gift is nothing without work...

Hear that! I must work. I shall work. I am working right now so stop harping already! Oh why must the world place it's crazy, tired little head on my shoulder?
*Mr. Brown - You are emancipated! Throw down your chains and be free!
*Emma Why?- You go girl! Live the dream for us all! LIVE IT! You're not living it dammit!
*Blueberry Gin Cake- You're lovely, don't change a thing!

As for me? I shall finish this lover-ly bottle of Australian Red.

Has it been so long?

I am an abusive blogger. I must apologize, dearest anonymous internet reader, for ignoring you. I do cherish you, don't you know how I love you? (Begin so called "Honey-moon Period" here, before I start ignoring you again next week...) But I have been busy. Well, only in theory. I spent a lot of time thinking about how busy I have been, a lot of time thinking about how much I had to accomplish, not so much time actually accomplishing those things. Until today, dear reader, for I have turned over a new leaf! A giant, heroic leaf, a banana leaf! I have organized and sized and prepared all my photos for my show! My show! My very own show! just me, only me, all about me! Okay, I told a wee little lie. the show's not all mine. I get the wall space to myself, and a sculptor who shall here remain nameless (not because I forgot her name, I remember it! I do remember it, I'm not lying! I did see Catbus! {I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who truly get's that catbus comment, I am so clever.}) So I have the show under controll now, it was actually a lot of work. On top of that, I am also trying to write a grant to be able to make a bunch of paintings for another show tentatively in August. It's actually rather difficult to convince a gallery to give me a show based on work I haven't yet created...strange, that one...So all this ranting is for but one selfish reason. Forgive me, I shall not forget you so again!