See that girl, watch that scene, digging the dancing queen!

SO! it is official, i am old today. My body has stopped producing growth hormones, as of 6:37am this morning. My brain cells have also stopped regenerating at the same rate, though i suspect this has been going on for quite some time.

I had a good day. I woke up early, and listened to Dancing Queen (the perfect birthday song!) while getting ready, went for a little walk and got a yummy coffee at Cadence, then took the bus to work ( it smelled like steak, and i think i've become a vegetarian today....but that's a whole other blog!!!), got a second coffee and a delicious date square from Good Earth, and projected happy thoughts to all the customers fortuneate enough to come into work today!


Plus- She-Ra left me a bag of candy

And then Mr. Brown and Blueberry Gin Cake took me out to dinner at a really cool Cajun restaurant, and then for dessert at the cheesecake! Yum! You guys are the greatest!

And! I gots a phone call from mum, dad, big brother, future mrs R, and even Jago! SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD!

I also am enjoying a lovely glass of Australian white wine I baught from the shop accross the hall from work, it's called Wishing Tree, and is very loverly!

Good day! thanks all!!!!

Art, like morality, consists of drawing a line somewhere

- G. K. Chesterton


Where to start? Well, I had a fantastic visit with Future Mrs R! I miss you already girl! Shopping was fun! It was actually fun! You make everything fun and sun-shiney! and OMG the Ship? I LOVE the Ship!
the crit night was really good! Alla those peoples showed up! including Mandy Moon-struck and her boyfriend, crazy photographer guy, and even Keanu! See, he is cute as a li'l button! Nervous as a chihauhua, but still.

Also! got my annual birthday necklace from Uley! I LOVE it! I'm wearing it now, and all those boys and girls shalll be jealous! I also love the journal, it's the perfect size to take to work each day and fill with craziness on my breaks! Thanks so much!


Also! found a shoplifter at work! Crappy deal, because I was comletely oblivious, and she was all putting rings into her mouth! In.Her.Mouth! Sick! And i'm all pissed off cuz i should ninja kicked her in the head, and then she woulda spit out rings like some whacked out japanese video game! Hi-YA!
whoa.....i think i'm just a little hyper....

but i don't understand! I've been eating a balanced diet according to the 4 food groups: Coffee, Sugar, Carbs, and Ice Cream!

gimmie gimmie summa your can-dy!

I'm not gonna get fired! I'm doing a great job! my eyes are more sparkly than ever! (I need to come up with a nick name for my boss, because, well, i just do. everyone else on my blogg pretty much gets a nickname.)

also: went to Denny's with Mr. Brown, and who did we see? None other than Keanu! what a cutie-pie! I want him to be our next project! He's such an anxious little thing, i want to build him up and send him off into the big bad world with a box full of tricks! I sure hope he comes to the at-arts crit night! Future Mrs. R will just eat him up!

okay enough about that.

She-Ra! That shall be the boss's new nick name. She-Ra.....sparkle sparkle go my eye balls....

it's always a treat to see your nemesis shoot himself in foot (or face!)

oh yes.

did the art gallery rounds tonight with Mr. Brown. Fantastic! My Nemesis had a show at Truck, and it sucked, just like he sucks, and it felt really great to see him suck so bad in public, on full display! The entire art community saw his crap-ass lazy work, and I have a bit of a feeling he's about to hit a dry spell! Am i right Mr.Brown??!?!?!?! Even Diva K seemed to think it was so not worth his time to set up!

and Mo had a show at untitled. She was selling her paintings, and i was jealous about all the red dots indicating the paintings sold, until I looked at the price tags, which were like $25.00. But still, good on her for trying. It's better to sell a piece that covet it and hide it from the world in your garage, until you get sick of hauling all this clutter through life, and then burn it. I mean, at least she got $25.00.

And also, i'm pretty sure i'm gonna get fired. no reason behind that one, just my lack of self esteem, combined with my general belief that the universe only gives out good things so it can pull the rug out when you least expect it. but i tell ya, next time i land on my face (metaphorically, not literally, sorry granny!!!) i swear i'll give up and become a fortune-telling gypsie, perhaps to the stars, but i haven't decided that part yet.

Swing-battabattabattabattta-sa-wiiiiing!

What?

I'm drunk! Offa one glass of wine. ONE art opening glass of wine! I'm a cheap drunk! yes indeed! This must be what it feels like to be Mr. Brown, all silly off one drink! You have an enchanted life Mr. B, truly enchanted!

Spreading joy across the world...

...Like a warm blanket upon a troubled land...

Oh the joys of public transit. I get to take the good ol' # 1 bus down town, the bowness-forest lawn limousine shuttle! Well, the morning bus people are more or less the same as the morning train people, but the evening bus people!!! Now there is a strange animal indeed! The fecundity of public transit to produce weirdos, combined with my own magnetism for the inherently strange and flawed results in a very interesting commute! Today's ride is brought to you by the letters, B and O, and a drunken grandma, who swears like a sailor! She told me all kinda stories, such as her kids are good for nothing, today is her daughter's birthday, she has a sandwich in her bag, her son is 45 years old, but really only looks about 38, and he's a real nice guy, he's single, but maybe a bit to old for me. He's also been living as a woman for 7 years now, and had a drug problem, but other than that, apparently we'd be a good match (I secretly wondered if s/he would lick my face too....) She also mentioned that her daughter is useless, and wouldn't even drive her drunk-ass mom home, and made the 80 year old lady take the bus.
Good times on that one. I can't wait till next time!

I also spent a trying 3 hours listening to my own granny repeat the same story over and over in only slightly varying words while eating the KFC she made me buy.....blah....but it's okay, I feel bad for her, she fell on her face and is still a bit shooken-up about it all.

And work is going really well. I'm sure all you out there don't really care, but after whining and moaning for like, 7 posts, i figure it's worth posting that I am relatively content and even sometiomes a bit excited (like today, but maybe only because the Red Bull "girls" came by and handed out free cans of high-octane refreshment! bbbbbbzzzzzzzzbbzzbzbzbzbzb Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!) about work. And also, I think I officially have a "non-sexual female crush" on my boss. (she's so cool! She has a 3rd dan black belt in tae-kwon-do and she traveled for like 4 years and lived in china and has a wicked kick ass attitude!)
Man, she's so cool she's goat!
that's my new word, goat. it means, like, cool. or whatever.

Sarah Slean is coming and I am so happy my heart hurts! It hurts because it is bursting with joy and compassion for the world! I can't wait to go to the fabric store!

....okay...that is all....
good night moon. good night room. good night pencil. good night lunch meat. good night alarm clock that doesn't work. good night all!

And the winner is....

so, i managed to narrow it down to two choices:

1) Assistant manager of 3 stores, selling cool accessories and sparkly things, and lovely wooden Buddhas.

2) Manager of an Art reproduction store selling posters and prints (mostly of flowers and kittens, unfortuneatly, but most unfortuneatly no posters of kittens inside watermelons.)

Option 1 includes the following:

Guaranteed pay scale, pay raise as I move into Assistant Manager position, the option to wear hoodies, tattoos, piercings, gum in my hair.....

Option 2 Includes the following:

Lower payscale, but commission incentive, with commission on total store earnings at managerial position, the need to purchase an entire new wardrobe of "office Professional" attire.

Option 1 means working closely with Erin, the dark haired surley alterna-rocker chick with a cool attitude (think Janeane Gorafalo, but with a bar voice and a hard luck story) who traveled the world and has lived it!

Option 2 means working closely with Erin, the "bubbly" blonde cheerleader who has done not much with her life, and considers getting engaged her greatest accomplishment to date, who has not traveled the world, and has not lived much of anything.

Well, you will be happy and probably not surprised to know that I have chosen the dark side.

Plus, my new fantastic job is right next to a Good Earth Cafe, full of delicious roasted coffee and chewy ginger cookies! That was what we in the sales biz call "the closer"!

why is it all so complicated???

the good news is, apparently, my resume works. now I am no longer unemployed. i am actually over employed. i have, as of right now, 5 jobs. fuck.

i am now stuck with unravelling the dilema that has plagued humans since we first became aware of ourselves. Do i follow my head or my heart? i have managed to whittle it down to 3 choices: the job that pays the most, but is also the least enjoyable (as these things usually are...) the job that i would like the best, or the job that offers a great opportunity for experience that i could possably, but probably not, but maybe use in the future. Maybe I should take the job that allows me to be with my fellow tattooed, gum-chewing freaks...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Sometimes I feel like life is kicking me in the ribs.

Apparently, I have a long lost (great) uncle Pete who stopped talking to my grandma some time in the 60's or 70's, regarding the accusation of some missing chicken food or something. He just up and said : " I don't want to see you for the rest of my whole life!" and indeed, has kept his word. We don't even know if he is alive or not. This is sad. For shame!!!!!

99 reasons not to let someone you met 7 hours ago set you up on a blind date...

Okay, so while moonlighting as a merchandiser at the mall, I became quite chummy with one of the other girls working there, who casually said she had a friend I should meet. To which I supplied one of my usual sarcastic replies, but she insisted we "would be great" together. Anyways, after an afternoon of coffee-and-home-made-chocolate-chip-cookies-buzz, I broke down and said "okay." For those who know me well, the following are offered as explanations for this unusual behaviour:

1. The planets were aligned just so this week, resulting in a series of rash decisions, bizarre behaviour, and otherwise strange occurances. These were not unique to my life, and those of us in this crazy city sensitive enough, could feel a certain "crackle" to the air.

2. All those who I previously sought out for rational advice have callously left me for the west coast (yes, I mean you big brother, Jay, Lisa-Left-Eye, Sarah Slean, and even Chloe, who was cenceivably born there but should also know better too,) leaving me with Mr. Brown to provide sensible advice, and we all know how that goes. (You know it's true Mr. Brown, I luv ya but you're crazy!)

3. I am currently fostering a new devil-may-care attitude, and there-fore feel that I need to make poor decisions on purpose now and then.

4. The stand-by reactions (generally one or a combination of the following: Yelling "I don't know you!!! with a sharp but concise kick to the shin, staring through the person's skull with a good old fashioned "stink eye," looking shocked, saying nothing, taking 5 or 10 steps slowly backwards, and then running like heck) are beginning to lose their novelty.

And so, this is how I ended up at so-and-so coffee shop to meet so-and-so guy. Fantastic. Except that it wan't. First alarm bell: I walk into the coffee shop in the middle of a speed dating marathon! Seriously! do people do that? apparently, yes, they do. and once again, i shunned the opportunity to pretend like I really just needed a tall green tea and leave, in favour of doing the exact opposite of what I would normally do. I think they call this type of behaviour "building character." And using my amazing powers of deduction, I guess that the only single guy hiding (lurking? quite possible so) in the corner is who I am here to meet, yes indeed. So we chat for half an hour, and I discover the following:

1. He is an Engineer.
2. He works for oil companies.
3. He believes Canada should build an off-shore pipe line in the Grande Banks (ecologically important breeding ground for many fish and other sea life) that goes straight to the USA.
4. He does not understand the importance of a pro-environmental plan of action in the Canadian arctic, and how it affects the global eco-system.
5. He is 35, likes his office job, and said with apparent sincerity that David Suzuki is a "terrorist."

In the name of being civil, I keep my activism to a minimum. At this point, Mr. So-and-so says, "hey, wanna get nachos?" to which I gratefully say "Yes!!" for the following reasons:

1. Nachos invoke positive memories of Den nights at University
2. Nachos means ice cold frothy mugs of delicious Strong Bow Cider
3. At this point I could really use a drink
4. There is a pub accross the street

But no. Apparently he meant 7-11 nachos. Fair enough....I guess....Except for the following:

1. 7-11 is a sacred and holy place, and must be shown the appropriate respect. (Mr. So-and-so lives accross the street, and doesn't even know the sev people's names! For shame!)
2. Sev changed their nacho "cheese" dispensing equipment. The new machine squidges radio-active orange sludge in little shapes that look exactly like goose poop.
3. I haven't had sev nachos for a very long time, and the new "cheese" substance is too thick, and tastes more like hair spray than I remember.
4. He insisted that we take our nachos back to his place. smooth, guy. Very smooth. smoove even.

But I agreed to go, because he said he had a new X-box 360, and I was curious. It should be noted that my curiosity has gotten me into a great deal of trouble, including the following:

1. Locked in a church
2. Licked by a giraffe
3. Glued to a fetal pig kidney
4. Nearly mauled by a caribu
5. Attacked by crows
(all true)

Now, I am not the greatest gamer in the world, but I can hold my own. I also don't do that thing girls with no self esteem do sometimes, where they lose on purpose. So when Mr. So-and-so breaks out his 2 player fighting game, I bring it! Now, I have a reputation to keep, and so before I go any further I would like to get this much clear:

1. I have never played X-Box before, so the controller was new
2. He had the game for 3 months, and so was far more practiced than I
3. I prefer to play games with cute little characters (Klonoa!!!) rather than angry Mr. Fighty-pantses.

So, keeping that in mind, I only beat him 18-16 battles. It's the old back-back-forward-trigger+high kick move. It does something in any fighting game. He may have let me win, except that he pouted after, and then tried to lick my face. seriously, like full on lolly-pop lick accross the cheek. So I said something crazy, and left as soon as I could, and played Counting Crows songs really loud in my car and sang along all the way home. thankfully, I had the foresight to tape Survivor! And that, my friends, is a stunning example of why I (The Cat That Walks Alone a-la Rudyard Kipling) should never ever accept a blind date from someone I met 7 hours previous.

I'm on top of the world!

And completely un-hinged!

a moment of silence, please

it is a sad day, and i say this with the most sincerity. i'll save the crazy story of what happended today, and instead offer my sincerest condolences to miss Emma Y. Her beloved fish Toby passed away this evening, her friend and companion for over 3 years. many of us have heard the stories of Toby's crazy adventures, that fish went on more road trips than most people do. Calgary, to Vancouver, Seattle, Hope, Kelowna, always with the fish tank buckled in tight on the passenger seat. He lived 600% longer than most Beta do, because he was cherished and loved as a friend. I'm sorry Emma Y, I can only offer a hug from 1000km away...

Welcome to Palookaville

I swear sometimes life is mocking me. hot gossip is not hot topic, which is goth (as in Are you goth? and Got goth? and Just Go Away.) Hot gossip is, however very "fashion forward" so naturally I do not belong there, so naturally that's where i get employed. watch me squeege as I sell oh so loverly fashions to screamy teens. the upside, however, is that the skate shop with the cute skater (sk8tR) boys is accross the hall, so at least there's scenery. also, the telus is looking good, so hopefully in the next 2-3 weeks (lightning fast speed for a corporate dinosaur) I will know wether i am blessed with employment there. in the mean time, i have also applied to be a mail carrier. i think it would be just like The Postman, starring that creep kevin costner. but all is well! yes! it is! also, heard on the radio about back room skullduggery between crappy canadian government and crappy american government involving the formation of a "north American Trade Union" and a "Fortress of Security Perimiter" which largely involves "Consolidation of Natural Resources and Energy Grids." very scary, as this is to be read as full scale rape of canadian resources and environment for the monetary gain of three or four american bastards who believe that the end is nigh, so why bother saving/preserving/caring about anything so trivial as the environment! It makes me sick! so sick i plan to move to one of those new islands by saudi arabia, the palm-tree shaped one sounds lovely. or better yet! i'll make my own iland like that mexican dude did, out of empty plastic bottles, ( http://www.treehugger.com/files/2005/11/tired_of_living.php ) he even grows trees!

Those Christley Sandwiches!!!!...

...The last words of my great grandfather. Apparently, he really hated sandwiches. learnt a lot about the ol' family today, like i'm part Romani! See! i am a gypsie! it explains my wandering feet and alley-cat-like nature. And also my frightening natural ability with the tarot cards (though nothing compared to Mr. Brown, but let's face it, no one is that good!) Had a great visit with cousin Patti, haven't seen her for like 10 years almost! Wowza! She's cool. Granny broke out all these black and white photos of the ol' european branch of the family, great grandfather in his army kit, great granny, a bunch of drunk people in the '50's. Good times. Also, Patti says big brother and the future Mrs. R shuld have long ago called her up for dinner and drinks, since you all live in Hong-Couver now. for shame! I gave you those digits before AGGCH (Annual Gift Giving Consumerist Holiday.)