Cheers to societally obselete instincts

It's happening again...that horrible feeling I get each Autumn where my guts are screaming for me to migrate, and I get antsy about everything, and think i should quit my job, keep my job, get a new job, make my own job, get 7 jobs, give up and never have another job again...Thankfully I get to go on a road trip in but 13 days time! i feel like a marathin runner who hasn't trained at all for the triathalon, and it stumbling to the finish line on broken, rubber legs. If I can just make it through the next two weeks, then maybe I'll be okay! Plus, I am SO totally stopping at the enchanted forest, and also perhaps beardale castle, BOTH in the same trip- no drink! okay, maybe lots of drinnks...like TAB mostly....pink, delicious TAB.....

I think I really am afraid of pretty little houses with white porches....

a conversation with a new friend brought up the strangest memory, and with it a tsunami of nostalgic longing for ....i don't know what...something....
we were talking about tattoos, and i mentioned my next one is a crow, and she aasked if it meant anything. I have always associated crows with a feeling of home, the sound of those birds cawing always makes me feel...i dunno...safe...or right somehow... and that having a crow on my body meant always having a piece of home with me wherever I am. any way, this conversation triggered this memory from when I was really little, before i started school even I think. Mum, big bro and i were all driving out to grandmas' where us kids spent the summer to give mum a break while school was out. For some reason, i'm sure that we went the south way through the Crow's Nest Pass highway. We stopped for late lunch at some drive-through place. I remember sitting on a picnic bench and watching ravens fighting accross the road. I remember my brother feeding fries to a gopher. and i remember also these two skinny crows that were "dancing" in the gravelly part between where the asphalt ends and the grass begins. I fed them a fist full of my fries, and they each squawked and grabbed a beak full and then flew up into the trees, and then my mum got mad at me for wasting food. The strangest part is, I remember thinking like a mantra for hours in the car afterwards "home is where the crows are..."

It's strange how things surface in one's brain.the rusty chain holding that memory broke for some reason this week and let it float into consciousness. Looking back on this blog, I realize it's been a crazy summer! up and down, high and low like some kinda inhumane yo-yo. I had the worst week ever (so far...knock on wood! KNOCK IT!!) and actually had a panic attack ( i think) at work. Stress lately, combined with diet changes (ie- going veggie and becoming anemic because i more or less replaced meat calories with sugar calories...) and other life changes has really caught up to me. I know the changes that I need to make- leave work at work, spend more time in the studio, do things for myself. but all these things are like a dinner spread on the table in another room, and i'm not allowed in there yet. It's strange, and I think I'm rambling on from lack of sleep, so maybe I'll just stop now.

we had soda! and pie!

happy birthday to my dad! but wait, what's this? just what is li'l teen's loading into the ol' civic? oh yeah! presents for me! I *heart* presents!

Not only did I get to leave work early ( a joy in and of itself, I assure you) but I also managed to swipe:

*An electric rock music guitar (black and white!)
*A DOD ice-it III amp with twanger, grunge, and waa (?)
*An Astro-boy T-shirt
*Cute Capri pants
*Key chain
* $50.00 from t-shirts i sold
*1 box take-away chinese food

pretty sweet deal for like, half a day's work. and totally worth the questionable take-out chinese food stomach ache all the way home from Red Deer. and i must say, the family was strangely well behaved this time- no drunken accidents (admittedly, mostly because uncle Lar couldn't get his motornike running...) or angsty sibling rivalry! a delightful change from the norm, though, strangely, a little unfulfilling. one comes to expect certain lows from one's family, after all. ah well, there's still the wedding part in september, i'm sure there will be enough mayhem and angst to make up for it.

alright, on to plan J then...

and just what is plan J? well, basically it is going to work every day, doing nothing, and seeing how much longer I can collect a paycheck. I like plan J.

saw E and B again today (sparkle sparkle go my eye balls, again!)
They are so super cool, and also pretty much able to convince me to do anything. Yay! Magic beans! what a magnificent idea! they are like gypsies, and I want to follow their pied piper music into all sorts of debauchery!

just a contemplative day

it's been a crazy summer! really, it has. i'm not sure how much of the craziness was self induced, and how much was the universe toying with me, but none-the-less- i deserve a day off! i've spent the most relaxing day- starting off by staying in bed until i just plain didn't feel like it anymore, and then eating breakfast cerial (pirates of the carribbean chocolate pops with swashbuckling marshmallows, to be exact) rightout of the box. then i did laundry. and then i contemplated mowing the lawn, but didn't really want to, and then it started raining so i no longer had to! and then i took granny to the store for soups. and then i bought art supplies. and then i ate chips for supper. and then i surfed the internet wasting time, and now i'm blogging. sounds rather banal, but i assure you- it's delightful!

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PS- to all my ladies out there- a little something i thinkk we should all know and master.... Peeing standing up! http://myvag.net/pee/standing/

oh yes! those hours of internet surfing were not wasted entirely! I plan to practice hard in anticipation of traveling again! Just think how convenient it will be! okay, maybe you're not all as excited as i am, but really, you should be.

enough with the brakes already!

my whole life I feel like i've been circling some kinda cosmic drain with the brakes on- trying desperately to avoid being sucked into complete insanity...well today, i woke up to some stranger dancing on the roof and I thought to myself "screw it!!!" My life will never be normal- and to try to pretend so is only causing friction and clouds of smoke. So today, that's it! I'm letting loose the brakes and running head on right into the thick of it. Only time will tell if the light I see is a freight train or the end of the tunnel! Hold on, because I'm drinking wine and eating skittles and never holding back again!